Dear Me of the Future,
I hope you get this depression thing in check- get the right meds, seek comfort from truly loved ones and keep getting help- because right now, depression SUCKS. Like really badly. Like this is probably the fastest thing I'll write about today. I got to get this off of my shoulders.
So every winter since 2014 I've dealt with a serious bout, or bouts, of depression. It hits me like a ton of bricks and it takes a long time to get out of it. It just sucks... or blows...whichever one is worse.
It starts with something mundane, like spraining an ankle while training for a marathon or breaking up with someone, that sends it spiraling out of control. The results? Nothing short of the mental equivalency of having the flu, but in your mind. No physical symptoms similar to sickness like a fever or coughing up phlegm. I mean sitting in bed all day, losing interest in eating or sleeping, not caring about anything that happens around you, no urge to do anything productive, the absolute assertion that not only is everything meaningless, but that it will NEVER get better. It's how I ended up discovering that college just isn't for me- and the fact that apparently these depressive episodes have occurred since I was in HIGH SCHOOL doesn't make me feel any better about myself. I know I'm droning on, with barely any editing going into this post, but I seriously don't care. Depression is something pushed down by people who think it's a sign of weakness; hah, like the same way animated movies are "just for kids". They try to understand, but their frustration at how I act makes the situation even worse.
There are times that I need sympathy from those closest to me, and I never get it. They keep telling me to "keep my head up" or to cheer up but it never stops until the season passes. I don't know how on Earth I can stop this condition and whether or not it will ever be fixed. So future me, I hope you make sure to get rid of this before I end up going insane. It would be a good case study for some of my characters, but it's not something I would want to experience first-hand, like an LSD trip.
No comments:
Post a Comment