tw- Depression SUCKS

Dear Me of the Future,

I hope you get this depression thing in check- get the right meds, seek comfort from truly loved ones and keep getting help- because right now, depression SUCKS. Like really badly. Like this is probably the fastest thing I'll write about today. I got to get this off of my shoulders.

So every winter since 2014 I've dealt with a serious bout, or bouts, of depression. It hits me like a ton of bricks and it takes a long time to get out of it. It just sucks... or blows...whichever one is worse.

It starts with something mundane, like spraining an ankle while training for a marathon or breaking up with someone, that sends it spiraling out of control. The results? Nothing short of the mental equivalency of having the flu, but in your mind. No physical symptoms similar to sickness like a fever or coughing up phlegm. I mean sitting in bed all day, losing interest in eating or sleeping, not caring about anything that happens around you, no urge to do anything productive, the absolute assertion that not only is everything meaningless, but that it will NEVER get better. It's how I ended up discovering that college just isn't for me- and the fact that apparently these depressive episodes have occurred since I was in HIGH SCHOOL doesn't make me feel any better about myself. I know I'm droning on, with barely any editing going into this post, but I seriously don't care. Depression is something pushed down by people who think it's a sign of weakness; hah, like the same way animated movies are "just for kids". They try to understand, but their frustration at how I act makes the situation even worse.

There are times that I need sympathy from those closest to me, and I never get it. They keep telling me to "keep my head up" or to cheer up but it never stops until the season passes. I don't know how on Earth I can stop this condition and whether or not it will ever be fixed. So future me, I hope you make sure to get rid of this before I end up going insane. It would be a good case study for some of my characters, but it's not something I would want to experience first-hand, like an LSD trip.

So 2016 happened... Beginnings at the End

This is nuts. Specifically, buckeyes (get it? Because Buckeye is one of the Lost? If you didn't get it, I wouldn't blame ya...)

Lame joke aside, this should have been written ages ago. I know I'm shouting into an empty room, but I don't really care. This is important to me.

So if any of you knew, I posted my story on Inkitt (fantastic website by the way...) and WOW! What a support group... for a few months. They featured my story on their home page and I was flying high! It was AWESOME. I got over 75 views a WEEK! Now it's kind of plateauing at 400 views after 6 months of being on the site, so maybe it's time to move on. Not really sure where to migrate now, but definitely open to new ideas.

Also, I haven't touched PP &TL in MONTHS. Mostly my fault, but I've been too busy graduating college and trying to get a substantial job to finance this expensive hobby to write any more new content. Right now, it's about re-releasing STTR, but it's going to take awhile to get it out there, as I'm only up to Chapter 6. Yeah, I know- but the edit is EXTENSIVE, be it removing full paragraphs or figuring out the best way to word a sentence to use the least amount of words. Depression doesn't help either.

The "Review" of The Second Star got, like, NO viewers, so that's not happening. Maybe I posted it incorrectly.  Anyways, I'm just gonna write for me, so you could share this blog with others or not- it doesn't matter to me. I'm going to avoid looking at the viewership, as it was just my own personal ego-trip, a half-witted attempt to one-up John Green somehow. Now, I'm just gonna keep it personal, so yeah, anyone reading this will be seeing spoilers abound here on this blog. I don't even care if anyone finds out about some big thing about the book here.

SPOILERS from here on, if anyone cares.

Speaking of the book, Peter Pan and the Lost is stuck at this one really crucial point that I just can't get around. The story orbits around a Fairy Festival at this point, soon to be spoiled by a new batch of Roarers led by Captain Hook. This festival is kind of like the way generic JRPGs begin, with the inciting incident that introduces all of the main elements of the story. The main elements here are, essentially, a treasure map, Foxtail's extended tail, Maple and Talon watching from the distance, introducing all of the Indians by name (which could be incredibly racist if done wrong) and bringing all of the characters together. However, it starts well, with Lively's Dance and Rising Sun's extended tail to Foxtail, as well as other gifts to be given to other members of the tribe. It sets up our understanding of the characters involved; Buckeye's gift is to someone he has a crush on (Rising Sun), Lively's creativity and boundless energy, Foxtail's pain, Rising Sun's Generosity, Tiger Lily's Leadership and Bravery, Soaring Eagle's Pride (the good kind), Peter Pan's innocence and levity, Queen Mab(of the fairies)'s compassion and enjoyment.

Yet here is a problem. We reach Foxtail's pain. It's not good, because he's from a broken home, an abusive childhood and now is in paradise, a breather of sorts and a place to embrace his pain and make it better for himself. Yet it stops all of the good energy right in its tracks as he presents his gift to the rest of the group- his personal story...
Wait, maybe he can forget about it and just tell Lively later? Huh... that's not a bad idea...
.....................................................................................................................................
So I just fixed the problem and it actually WORKS!! Him forgetting to tell his story and telling the others that he forgot actually makes him a braver character. Yes, we're back on track!! This is gonna be fun. Of course, it will need a heavy edit, but now it's something.

Anyways, what we have learned from this part of the story is that dancing changes any sad mood into a happier one. Maybe that's nothing new, but it definitely feels new to me.

At this point, I have nothing else to report, but now I'm just proud that I found a continuation of the story and a place to think about other stories, even if anyone can see these. 

I don't honestly care anymore.

This blog is meant to be sloppy, as the greatest talent a person can have is to create something great, inspirational and amazing amidst the chaos.

That's what this blog is about- the rough drafts, the weird stories with disconnected plotlines and uncovered holes. The worlds under construction. The characters with half-planned arcs. The unfinished conflicts and villains.

That's what I plan on writing about in 2017. This is my resolution.

All of the stories I have planned, all 31 of them, will be written down as plotlines/ story bibles at some point on this blog. Screw it if people read this or not. I'm not going to chase anyone too much to read more about my stories. Anyone can write a blog like this, but mine will be different; I'm going to write unfinished stories and rough drafts for the world to either critique or change for themselves. Or I'll change them at some point in the future, which will be what happens anyway.

SO...

If you read this far, then congratulations! You're officially a friend of mine! If you comment, that's even better! If you don't, then whatever, we cool. Enjoy the rest of 2016 and

                                                     as always,

                                                                         see you in the sunlight!

From my world to yours,

Zach Neuman