ANNOUNCER: This is WBZRK, news at 6am! Bringing you all the news that matters to you, without all of the anxiety and stress that comes with normal broadcasts.
MONICA HOROWICZ: Thank you for tuning in. I'm the substitute reporter for this morning. Mary Mackentyler is off tonight for a well deserved break. Her Instagram album sure shows a lot of fun in the sun!
Our first story comes out of Downtown -the place on the south of town for anyone who's triggered by slang speech that's never explained-, where a poor man was taken into safer custody as he tried to forcefully borrow some produce from Stanley's Grocer. The produce was slightly damaged,but it's okay since it was recycled for fertilizer for Stanley's own palm tree.
(Camera pans to the palm tree, slightly wilted to one side but more or less undamaged.)
Such a beautiful palm tree huh? Stanley himself said that he was slightly shaken up but will receive counseling for his newly diagnosed PTSD.
(Camera pans back to MONICA)
We'll be back after these messages.....
COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: IF YOU'VE BEEN INJURED IN AN ACCIDENT, A FALL, AN ARGUMENT, YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO MORE THAN JUST MONEY. CALL 1800GETBACK FOR RECOVERY FROM THE FOLLOWING DISORDERS OBTAINED BY THESE INCIDENCES:
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AND MORE!
AND MORE!
JOHNSON, REECKO AND GEFFNER ARE HERE FOR YOUR MENTAL DISORDERS AND THERAPY NEEDS. WE DON'T ASK FOR MONEY UNTIL YOU HAVE FULLY RECOVERED AND GOTTEN WHAT YOU FULLY DESERVE. CALL 1800GETBACK NOW. THE CALL IS FREE AND THE CONSULTATION IS FREE. CALL 1800GET BACK NOW.
(Commercial ends. Camera turns back on to MONICA)
MONICA: Welcome back. Now let's check in with our upcoming weather report, sponsored by Paradise recovery centers. Here to tell us is Richard Prytweller.
RICHARD: Thank you Monica. Judging by these winds and cloud formations, it looks like there will be some rain- but don't worry people. For those scared of rain, we are giving you plenty of time to get your rain gear, as it's coming in two days. For those scared of the clouds before it rains, we urge you to call a therapist if your anxiety starts acting up. The winds will be slow -around 1 1/2 miles per hour, so it will feel more like a soft breeze than anything else more violent. That's the forecast over the next two days but when we come back, we'll tell you when the SUN returns!
MONICA: GREAT! The sun's coming back!! Can't wait!
RICHARD: Me neither Monica! Back to you!
MONICA: Thank you Richard. We'll get back to his full weather forecast soon, but first a special report.
ANNOUNCER: THIS SPECIAL REPORT IS SOMETHING GOOD I'M SURE.
MONICA: Not today, Announcer. For those that get triggered by this, we urge you to call a therapist.
A masked character was spotted on police surveillance as it seemed to demolish some traffic lights and street lights to cause a major accident on the throughway. No one was seriously injured but it did cause traffic to halt to a standstill throughout the past few hours.
As well, a whole street downtown has been shaken up since last night after a masked infiltrator caused hundreds of dollars in damage to cars, trees, a mailbox and manhole covers. No one has identified the person but they appeared to fly away afterwards on what looks to be a jet back. We'll have more information as it develops, but for now, let's check back in with Richard on when the SUN comes back...
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